a hard day’s night

i am homesick tonight, which is strange, since i’m sitting on my back porch, trying very unsuccessfully to quit smoking, and enjoying the breeze the outdoors offers to a home without a working AC, nevermind the lime green pollen mist wafting about me in an all-embracing hug from mother nature. i wonder if i breathe out deeply and slowly and in your direction, will you feel a brush of wind behind your ear? i hope so. i miss you tonight, your rain and lightning replaced by mildness and quiet. it’s been too long since you’ve been here, since i’ve been home.

shockingly i realize (again) that time is my greatest enemy. the impact seconds and minutes have made on friendships, bonds with lovers, my body, so many things. a minute ago my life streched out before me with days, no decades of possibility. an hour ago (it seems) they were right here next to me, laughing timelessly, loving endlessly, silences smearing suitably into endless amounts of minutes like pocket change. i didn’t realize how valuable those moments were, even as they clinked like thirty pieces of silver onto the stone floor. and now, my kingdom for an hour. precious they were, a heartbeat ago, forever.