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hesitant 4 February 2006

Posted by paige in home.
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bible study starts on tuesday… i’m terrified that i will let people down, let myself down, let God down.   that i won’t be as committed or as disciplined as i want to be, as i feel i need to be.  sure a few weeks is easy, but six months? 

i quit smoking january 1st.  after three weeks, i knew i could do it for good.  not that it’s easy.  but i know i can do it.  so that was the beginning of “project me 2006”.  last month was quit smoking, start praying.  my treat… video ipod.

this month, it’s be more assertive and read the bible.  notice a physical and spiritual goal per month.  silly, i know, but this is a format that has worked for me.  treat… new hair.

shhh… don’t tell anybody, but i think that rock climbing certification and racquetball, and small community core group for march.  treat?  i don’t know… climbing gear, sewing machine?  dunno.  we’ll see.

but for now, i’ll give these fears five seconds.  then i have some work to do.

lounging listlessly along the shores of Lethe 29 January 2006

Posted by paige in home.
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..one of the most beautiful things, the ice on tree branches glistening against a black sky. Night is a strange time for me, after David goes to bed and I sit in the dark with the glow of technology on my face, and the puppy keeps bringing me each of his toys for me to throw across the room.
Outside everything drips diamonds, quietly. I am afraid that it will all be gone in the morning, and I will drive to work, the knowledge of the beauty I have missed lingering in my peripheral vision. And so will begin another Monday, another work week, another turn of the hamster’s wheel.
Tonight, however, is endless Sunday, eternal rest, pounding silence.
*yawn*
bored.
nitey-nite

take me down easy 20 April 2005

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i am homesick tonight, which is strange, since i’m sitting on my back porch, trying very unsuccessfully to quit smoking, and enjoying the breeze the outdoors offers to a home without a working AC, nevermind the lime green pollen mist wafting about me in an all-embracing hug from mother nature. i wonder if i breathe out deeply and slowly and in your direction, will you feel a brush of wind behind your ear? i hope so. i miss you tonight, your rain and lightning replaced by mildness and quiet. it’s been too long since you’ve been here, since i’ve been home.

silently searching for someone 19 April 2005

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shockingly i realize (again) that time is my greatest enemy. the impact seconds and minutes have made on friendships, bonds with lovers, my body, so many things. a minute ago my life streched out before me with days, no decades of possibility. an hour ago (it seems) they were right here next to me, laughing timelessly, loving endlessly, silences smearing suitably into endless amounts of minutes like pocket change. i didn’t realize how valuable those moments were, even as they clinked like thirty pieces of silver onto the stone floor. and now, my kingdom for an hour. precious they were, a heartbeat ago, forever.

midnight 11 March 2005

Posted by paige in home.
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how beautiful is the light trickling into my window, pooling on my pillow, cascading to the floor. duplexity haunts me, sleep eludes me, and i have no place to go.